


Sincerely, Alexander

by CarbonBasedSentient



Category: Carpe Noctem, Vampire: The Masquerade, White Wolf, World of Darkness (Games)
Genre: Amnesia, I'm joining the fun, Moving On, The Echo Chamber, angst for the greater good, the beginnings of a sad life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 03:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarbonBasedSentient/pseuds/CarbonBasedSentient
Summary: A letter to Alexander, from Alexander





	Sincerely, Alexander

Lieber Alexander,

I hope this letter finds its way to you. I tried my best to ensure that it would get to you somehow, whether you really wanted it to or not. I hope the circumstances are ideal and that you will have this sent to you by a friend, not hand delivered by a stranger or worse, not received at all. In the case of the former, let this be a happy reminder of the time you spent in the city, a letter to let you reminisce and reflect on yourself and the trials you have overcome. If it's the second, then let this be a bit of a wakeup call. A rude awakening, if it must be. Because you need to remember what is contained here. You cannot forget. Not again.

You have been running your entire life, Alexander. You ran all across Germany until there wasn't any Germany left to run to. You ran, you cut all ties, and you forgot. You had a life before this. There was a life to live even when you thought there wasn't. Before you were Embraced, you were very young, barely having become a man. You had a wife. A beautiful, wonderful wife. You may not remember her, but I assure you that she was the kindest, gentlest, most selfless and beautiful woman you have ever met. Her name was Ingrid, and you loved her more than life itself. You were eventually married, and for a while, it seemed your life was as perfect as it could be. You were even expecting a child. And this is where the trouble begins. 

There were...complications during the birth. This was a very long time ago, and technology was not what it is now, and...Ingrid did not survive the birth. Neither did your child. Needless to say, you were devestated. Your entire life seemed to shatter, the color and life draining from what was before an idyllic world. But this went far beyond what would normally be grief. You spiralled into a state of depression, the reason you had to be alive having been taken from you. You were confused, you were angry, you were living in a constant state of despair, and...you no longer wanted to live. You thought that a life without Ingrid was a life not worth living. And, you tried to end it. Multiple times. But after each failure, you could feel your old life getting more distant, the wounds in your heart scarring over to be unrecognizable. Over time, instead of thinking on it constantly, you started to do the opposite. You repressed the memories, perhaps feeling that if you were to continue living, it was better to never remember your family than live with the sorrow of having lost them so suddenly. 

For a while, this worked for you. You had completely forgotten what had happened and had moved on, quite literally, severing all ties with your old life and travelling across Germany to a new town. But this is where new problems arise, particularly from your Embrace. Your Embrace brought your memories flooding back. All the memories of Ingrid, of your old, happy life, of your child that never was, returning with it the life-draining despair. No matter what you tried though, this time, you could not forget. And the thought of living an immortal life, constantly knowing that you would never see your wife again, not even in death, was too much. So you needed help to forget. You sought out another Kindered to take your memories, removing once again your family from your life, again moving, again cutting all relationships and physical ties to your old life, and began anew. But over time, you became curious. You wondered why you could not remember before your Embrace. You wanted to know what happened. So you sought more Kindered help to return your memories, but with the return came the same sorrow as before. And this cycle repeated, and repeated, and repeated, for a century. A century of remembering, forgetting, and moving, never staying in once place for long, living alone and in isolation to never let the same thing happen again. 

I do not tell you this to torture you, Alexander. Although your history is painful, it is a part of who you are. Your history has no say in the present, not if you do not let it. You need to remember your past and learn from it; you need to show it the respect and honor it deserves and then move on. There is so much out there in the world that you can live for. It may sound harsh, and I know even I did not believe it at first, but there is more to life than just Ingrid. While she was the world to you before, she does not have to be now. There are new friendships to find, new palces to see, new experiences to be had. And you gained those when you came to America, Alexander. Although the city may have been incredibly chaotic, disorganized, and unspeakably dangerous, you had a place. You had friends, even perhaps a new family. You had reason to live, you had people to depend on and who depended on you in return. And it was good. 

Alexander, I understand that sometimes, there are times in life when it is time to move on. When it is necessary to say goodbye and start a new chapter of your life elsewhere. But please, make sure that it is for the right reason. Do not run away from your demons. Confront them head on, slay them, and mount their heads on your wall. It is time to stop forgetting and running and to start acknowledging your own life. 

Hochachtungsvoll,

Alexander Neuser


End file.
